How to do a Family Meeting

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When you click on FREE MEETING AGENDA it will take you to a Google Doc I created. To edit, click on FILE then MAKE A COPY. 

Now you can customize the names of your family members, you can edit the tables to add more family members or agenda items that fit the needs of your family.

Store your meeting agendas in a binder or on your computer. From time to time look back and see how your family is evolving and growing as you come together once a week to bond. 

We chose Sunday evenings after dinner as our weekly meeting time. This made sense to our family because Sunday evening is the start of our week. We wanted to make sure our kids knew what to expect for the week from everything from meals to activities. We set the expectation at the start of the week. 

Each family is unique. Select a day that makes sense for your family's schedule.

Make this meeting for the same day every week to establish a meeting routine.  

Whatever system you use such as a paper calendar, a digital calendar, a whiteboard calendar, etc. have it with you at the meeting so you can document the activities you have that week and look ahead to events happening later in the month. 

You can host your family meeting anywhere! Our family meetings are usually done over dessert around the kitchen table or in the comfort of our living room. 

When we travel, I pack agendas and have done our family meetings at hotels, grandma's house, even on a cruise ship!

A note if your have littles: Family meetings were hard for my youngest to sit through, especially when he was 3-6 years old. I gave him playdoh or a coloring book during meetings so he was still listening and engaged, but something to keep him entertained. 

Our family motto was "Teamwork makes the dream work!" for many years. We recently updated it to "Better Together" as the Navy moved my husband career 3 hours away and we had the option to stay or move with him. We chose to move with dad because we couldn't live our lives only visiting only on the weekends. We are "Better Together".

When choosing a family motto, think about the challenges your family faces or something that you want to work towards.

Find ways to incorporate your family motto into your home decor, holiday cards, and even family t-shirts. 

Here is where you really get to tap into where your family members are at. Take turns going around the room as one person shares at a time the good and the bad that took place that week. 

This part of the meeting is so helpful in understanding where your children are at and what is making them happy or upset.

We do have one rule though, this is not a tattle-tale time. If one sibling has a low involving another sibling, that is reserved for grievances.  Lows should focus on issues that are impacting them emotionally or mentally and if another family member is causing a low, there is a time for that later in the meeting.  

This is the celebration time and guess what...it doesn't cost a thing! Honor the good works your family members have done by giving out high fives for great works. Here are some examples:

"HIGH FIVE to Daddy for mowing the lawn and making our yard look spectacular!"

"HIGH FIVE to mom for making that awesome veggie quiche!"

"HIGH FIVE to ___ for getting an A on that math test!"

Sometimes we have some pretty serious lows so the giving of high fives is a chance for us as parents to bring the tone of the meeting back up. You may find you want to end your meeting with high fives or place it after the grievences. Do what fits best for you.

We have now come to the time of the meeting that is important but not always fun.

We invite our children to share problems they are experiencing with other family members. The one rule is they must also bring a solution to the problem. This teaches children critical thinking and problem solving skills. 

Common problems my children want addressed are the use of shared spaces such as the living room or television/XBOX, invasion of personal space such as siblings barging into each other's rooms, and disagreements over what belongs to who.  We discuss the problem and find a solution that all family members can agree on. 

Help your children match reasonable solutions to these problems. I'll never forget when my son announced that his tv time was taken by his sister so his solution was she should have to sit in the dog's kennel while he poked her with a stick! Our kids are still developing and they some times require guidance on measuring solutions to best fit the problems. 

As a parent I use grievances to curtail problems during the week. If we are in the car and my kids are in the back seat arguing, I say "This sounds like a problem we should discuss at family meeting." and that usually quells the disagreement for the time being. 

There were many problems I had growing up and often I felt left to solve it on my own or feeling like my concerns were just complaints. Give your children a space to address what is upsetting them and work together to solve this problem. Your children will feel heard and like valued members of your family team. 

This is the part of the agenda you will find most helpful for organizing and planning out your week. 

Meals- We grocery shop on Mondays. I meal plan Sunday evening as the kids are getting ready for bed. Here is the chance for me to share what we are having OR to ask for meal suggestions. If meals are a struggle in your household and you are dealing with picky eaters, here is where you can prepare them for what is coming or allow them to weigh in on the meal selection. 

Weather- this is a left over remnant from when we were living in Japan and had only one car. On the days it was raining, I would need to drive my husband to work instead of him taking his usual 20 minute bike ride to base. After we left Japan we kept it on the agenda. Sometimes it is good to pause, check the weather for the week, and let everyone know if plans need to be shifted or canceled due to weather. 

Activities- Here is where you address who has practices and games, who is staying after for afterschool clubs, and any other events such as friend's birthday parties or school events we are attending. Make sure  to document these activities in your calendar.

Movie Night- We do a family movie night every Friday. I look forward to this tradition and I am sad when other events take place on Fridays, causing us to cancel this weekly ritual. It is the only time during the week the kids are allowed to eat and drink in the living room so it is a special treat. If possible we will make or pick up a meal that fits the theme of the movie such as Mexican food when we watched the  Disney movie Coco. We added the movie selection to the agenda because we found ourselves spending way too much time just trying to select a movie from our various streaming services. Everyone can bring a suggestion. We have also taken turns and allowed each member to choose the weekly meeting, since there are four of us and most months have 4 weeks, this has worked well.

Next Weekend-  Our children are not on sports teams and our extended families live far away so our weekends are usually pretty open. Here is where we can plan trips to the zoo, state parks, amusement parks, etc. It is also where we as parents can set the expectation for behaviors if we have something important like a wedding or a visitor coming to our home.  

Future Activities Beyond This Week- Sometimes anticipation is fun. Here is where we let the family know about future events like camping trips, visits from grandparents, etc. Kids can often struggle with the concept of time, so explaining how long until these events take place and showing them on a calendar helps them better understand what to expect in the upcoming weeks.

Ask your family if anything else needs to be addressed and if you are all good, its time for the family hug!

Every meeting ends with us embracing each other in a family hug. When was the last time all of your family did a group hug? It is so recharging to hold and embrace the ones that mean the most to you. Love is felt. End your meeting with a family hug!

We start our meetings around 7:00 pm with the intension of closing our meeting at 7:30. If time allows we do an activity such as a game, craft, or we will set up/put away holiday decorations. If we do an activity as a family earlier in the day such as a shopping outing or visiting a park, we count that as our family activity. 

Once our kids are in bed, my husband and I end our Sunday evening with a cuddle on the couch while we watch something together, usually SNL from the night before or a movie if time allows. It feels good to connect with our family, then connect as spouses together.